


After the Storm

by scrumptiousdefendorofaang



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aang (Avatar)-centric, Aang Needs a Hug (Avatar), F/M, Minor Aang/Katara, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:22:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29853882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrumptiousdefendorofaang/pseuds/scrumptiousdefendorofaang
Summary: Katara proposes. Aang says no.
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am beginning to hate this so if I don't post it now it won't be posted at all. So here it is.

Tonight was perfect. Peaceful, quiet, and still the way only a place after snowfall can be. The way the snow on the mountains of his childhood home glittered in the starlight. Reminding him of nights much like this one but filled with much more laughter. And the nights of more recent years that were filled with grief. Tonight is neither of those nights, tonight is peaceful and lonely. Quietly painful. Greif will never change but it will never stay the same either.

His friends had gone inside a long time ago, leaving him alone. And Aang couldn’t bring himself to follow them. He was too tired to pretend to laugh. They meant well but their concern for him would only serve to make him acutely aware that he is the relic among them. Traded glances when they thought he wasn’t looking, none of them knowing what to do just because it was him. And he was always happy. He was never angry and sad and tired. He knows he can’t even blame them for not knowing, it is his own damn fault that he built up these walls.

But at least tonight out here is perfect, quiet. Maybe that could be enough right now. He doesn’t know what to do if it isn’t. He doesn’t have anything left. 

He had always had  _ something _ he had to do, one more hurdle to jump. To distract him from his grief. First it was defeating Ozai, then Harmony Restoration, starting Republic City all of which didn’t need his involvement anymore. That left rebuilding the air temples and teaching about his culture. The temples had been rebuilt and he couldn’t think of anything he had taught the air acolytes. What is he supposed to do now? 

The world is looking towards the future and he is an almost forgotten relic from the past. Time went on for everyone else, he didn’t notice. 

“Aren’t you cold?” Katara’s voice sounded from behind him. He turned his body towards her.

“I can regulate my body temperature with bending, so no,” he replied glancing at her smiling. If he were being honest he would have said that he was frozen inside his body, even if he didn’t feel the sting of the wind.

“Why haven’t you shared that trick with the rest of us. I am still cold,” she said as she leaned against the balcony railing next to him. 

“Avatar trick only, I am afraid,” he nods sagely, trying to fake his usual hidden grin.

“Well that's too bad. I guess body heat is the only solution then,” without further prompting she moved into him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Aang returned her hug, resting his chin on her head. He returned to watching the stars, no interest in talking more. Talking required being present. Katara was fidgeting with his robes disrupting his peace. Especially as her hands, her  _ cold  _ hands found their way under his robes. 

“What are you doing?” he asks as he tries to squirm away. 

“My hands are cold,” she smiles, stars and mischief dancing in her eyes. 

“Oh really I hadn’t noticed,” he grabbed her hands pulling them away and holding them by their sides. Giving her an over exaggerated pout, which she laughed at. 

“Aang, do you want to dance with me?” No he doesn’t but he will. Because he doesn’t have the energy to explain himself if he says no. It would be too far removed from his normal self.

“Of course,” he answers and begins to gently sway with her to imagined music. He guides them around the patio, avoiding furniture. Katara starts to hum a song he doesn’t know. And warmth touched the iciness in his soul, if only for a moment. He doesn’t know what's wrong with him. He is dancing with the love of his life after being with his closest friends for over a week of celebrations. And he can hardly bring himself to smile. He hates himself for it.They deserve better. Katara deserves better. Even though she hardly notices that he is barely there with her.

Katara changes her song, something happier. A song that brings up memories of a fire lit cave. He knows this song so he hums along. She would notice something was wrong if he didn’t. It was their song after all. She starts to guide him around, spinning them faster. Pushing and pulling, together and apart they dance. He matches her at every spin. And they dance until they're breathless. She whispers that she loves him. He doesn’t say it back, only kisses her cheek and hugs her tighter. He wishes that he could. He wishes that he weren’t so broken that he couldn’t tell her he loved her. That he loves her with all of his heart.

“Do you want to,” she starts suddenly shy, “Do you want to marry me?” he stops moving completely. This can’t be happening. He has nothing to say. She is staring at him, her eyes still full of stars and hope. He drops her hands. 

“No,” he breaths out. 


	2. Conversation with Gyatso

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I now have a direction for the story!!! This is kind of a filler between the first chapter and the next.

“Um, hey Gyatso. It has been a while,” Aang stares at the unmoving stone statue of his mentor. The statue’s silence weighs on him. “I am sorry for not coming sooner. I was busy. Avatar stuff and everything,” he awkwardly sits down, he doesn’t know where to start describing the last few years of his life. He scans the mountains, still covered in snow, around them. They had moved Gyatso statue here back when they first started rebuilding the temples. No one wanted to accidentally break it and Aang wanted to be able to talk to him in private. 

They had settled on putting Gyatso on one of his favorite places to meditate. Gyatso had often taken him here when he was a child. It was high up a nearby mountain to the one the temple rested on and you had a wide view of everything around. Gyatso statue was placed in the gazebo that was already there. Another relic of what used to be here. He sighed, taking in the view was only stalling the inevitable. 

“I guess I just don’t know where to start. A lot has happened since I last talked to you,” he takes a deep, shaky, breath, “It has been five years? That city I told you about, Crane Fish, is now called Republic City. I made it center point for all nations, a place for peace and freedom. It also is the base of the air acolytes, everyone in the city is under their protection. The whole city is a tribute to the air nomads and their way of life. But that is not the only place the air acolytes are all of the temples have been rebuilt and they are taking care of them. We won’t be forgotten. So that is what I have been doing,” he relaxes more into the stone slab he sits on, glad to have gotten part of what he came here to say out of the way. 

He has been dreading this part ever since he started the hike up here. Katara flashes in his mind. The image of her the last time he saw her hasn’t left his mind. The hurt that had replaced the stars and joy in her eyes. He hated himself for the hurt he had caused her and himself. 

“Katara proposed,” he whispered, “I said no. Then we broke up. She asked me if I loved her and I didn’t say anything,” now that he had started talking he knew he wasn’t going to stop until everything had been said. He had kept everything in for so long, every bad emotion he hadn’t let himself feel. 

“I can’t... I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Something has to be broken in me, I can’t make myself care about anything beyond what I have to do. I wish I did. Because when I was with her half the time I was just pretending that everything was fine. She didn’t deserve that. But it isn’t just with her. The longer it has been since I defeated Ozai the more people believe or even expect me to be okay. How could I be okay,” he holds on to his anger, better to feel it than nothing at all.

“I lost everything. And then I didn’t even have time to breath before everyone expected me to save them. I was twelve. I was a  _ child _ . I still haven’t had anytime to breathe. Officials want me to take their bullshit with a smile. Citizens expect my help with every little inconvenience. And to do this I had to be okay, so I just stopped feeling. I completely detached from everything. To the point where I just.. I don’t feel like a person anymore.” angry tears ran down his face. 

“Nobody treats me like I am either. I am just the Avatar, a spirit not a person. And the one person who didn’t. Well I just went and fucked that relationship up. And with it probably a lot of my other relationships. Sokka looked so angry before he left with Katara and Suki. I don’t blame him, this is my fault. I hate me too,” his anger is rapidly cooling. The only thing that is left is hollow desperation. Utter hopelessness. 

He just needs to breathe. Detach from this too, he thought bitterly. He is so desperate for Gyatso to respond that he tries to trick himself to think that maybe if he listens hard enough he will hear Gyatso. That maybe he could feel him here. Or that the wind would blow his shawl over his head and it would be him. Just anything so he wouldn’t be so alone. He knows better though. Gyatso is only alive in his head. 

“I miss you. And I wish I had asked you how to live because I don’t know. I don’t know if I even want to learn how to live anymore,” he glances towards the carved stone on the ceiling of the gazebo, trying to hold back his tears. 

“I am scared too. By my own thoughts. And I am trying to hold on to what you taught me, that all life is sacred. So that must include me, right. I like to think I am strong enough not to actively do anything but, sometimes I just stop trying. People try to kill me all the time and I almost let them. If I do that, what is stopping me from going further,” when he finishes speaking he feels quiet and empty. But he also feels like he can breathe, for the first time in a long time. The freedom that came with finally putting a voice to everything that he had been feeling for years. 

He wants to revel in this feeling. So he breaths it in and sits in its silence. He feels the warmth of the sun on his skin. The cold air around him, filling his lungs. He uses his earth bending to cast his awareness below him and into the mountains. Becoming one with the elements all around him. 

He knows that this peace will not last long. It is as fragile as he feels. It will break and leave him once he gets up. He knows that he has to leave soon. Leave Gyatso now, and the Southern Air Temple tomorrow. Off to where the next world ending event is. He opens his eyes and starts to lock everything back inside. Sliding back into nothingness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I would love feedback!


	3. Cracks in the Foundation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this instead of doing school work. Any way feedback is always appreciated.

Ba Sing Se sprawled before him as he descended from the sky on Appa. Everyone will be here by tomorrow, if they are not already here. It was the 8th annual celebration for the end of the war. The Avatar and his companions were all expected to be there. Including Katara. It will be the first time he has seen her since she proposed. 

For some reason he thought he could stave off seeing her until later. Or never if it was up to him. It had only been a few weeks. He didn’t want to face the hurt he caused her, or be faced the fact she moved on. Either way he was dreading it. 

Appa touched down in the front of the palace where Toph was waiting for him. He flinched when he saw the look on Toph’s face; she was furious. Something told him that she and Katara had talked. He steeled himself a barrage of rocks as he stepped off of Appa. He is surprised when it never comes. 

“Hello Toph. How are you this fine evening,” he greets her smiling, pretending he doesn’t notice how angry she is. He hands Appa over to one of the palace staff before facing her fully. 

“Cut the shit Twinkle toes,” her angry reply came. 

“What do you mean Toph?” he asks her. 

“Quit playing oblivious with me. I am talking about Katara!” Toph’s raised voice was enough to gain the attention of the guards in the area. 

“Do we have to have this conversation here,” he asks as he glances at them. All who are now trying very hard to seem uninterested. 

“Yes we do. You broke her heart Aang,” she jabs a finger in his chest. 

“Can we at least go somewhere private before you yell at me,” he sighs. He wouldn’t be able to evade Toph’s wrath no matter how hard he tried. Best to get it over with. Much to his relief Toph motions him to start walking into the palace. 

The palace is the same as the first time he had been there. The only difference is he and his friends were now esteemed guests and no longer had to break down the doors to get in. The walk to Toph’s rooms seemed to pass him and before he knew it they were there. 

He throws himself on the green couch opposing the one Toph had chosen for herself. She lets him stew in her wrathful silence a bit longer. It doesn’t have the effect she is hoping for. He already feels drained to the point where he doesn’t care. 

“What is wrong with you,” she starts, seething. You would think he had rejected a proposal from her with how mad she is. 

“Do you want an answer or do you just want to yell at me,” he says dryly. 

“I want to yell some sense into you,” she snapped at him. “Your relationship with Katara is one of the best things you ever had. Why did you throw that away?” she waits for an answer and he doesn’t give her one. 

“Is it because the Air Nomads didn’t have marriages. Did you throw your relationship away because you didn’t want to break a stupid rule from a dead nation,” everything in him freezes. He drowns out whatever Toph is saying now, he’s done. She has no right to talk to him about them like that, no matter how angry she is. He gets up and makes his way to the door. Earth slams up in front of the door right before he gets there. 

“I am not done,” she practically growls at him. 

“Well I am,” with that he pushes the rock down, fighting her the whole time. He walks out shutting the door behind him. He heads towards his room, mind numb and frantic at the same time.

The door clicked shut behind him. He slides down the door until he is sitting knees to his chest. His breathing is uneven and ragged. He feels hyper aware of everything that is going on outside him. Panic blinds his senses, giving the world a white hue like he is going to black out. He pulls his knees tighter into his chest. Willing  _ everything _ away. His mind runs over and over his conversation with Toph. What she was saying when he had drowned her out made an appearance in his mind. Whether she actually said it or not, it didn’t matter. Her voice and his were saying the same things. That he was some creature incapable of love. That he broke Katara’s heart just because he could. 

He had already imagined what Katara had been feeling, what Toph did and didn’t say only sealed that into his mind. Katara was hurting because of him. Katara is here and she isn’t with him and it is all his fault. Katara was here. It had only just occurred to him that if Toph knew what happened Katara was already here, likely had been for days. There was no chance he wasn’t going to see her tonight for the start of the celebrations. 

\--

Aang had yet to see a glimpse of her, but he knew she was here. Had seen Sokka and other Water Tribe delegates. Sokka had seemed angrier than Toph when Aang caught his eye. He had then decided it was best to avoid the Water Tribe to the best of his ability. Which is a shame because they always were way more bearable than the stuffy Earth Kingdom officials. 

Which is who he is left with since most of his friends seem to hate him. Really funny how actions driven by hurt and loneliness only served to hurt him and make him feel more lonely. But even worse than the officials were their daughters. All of their plays to get the Avatar in their pocket. It is a relief to find someone who likes him for Aang not the Avatar. _ Like Katara _ his mind whispers viciously. 

“Avatar Aang it is a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance,” a girl greeted him bowing, smiling coyly up at him. Speaking of which he thought. 

“The pleasure is mine…” he replies smoothly waiting for her to fill in her name. 

“Liu,” she supplies. 

“Liu,” he repeats and she blushes. A blue dress catches his eye and his heart stutters. Katara was standing behind Liu. And if he had thought Toph and Sokka were bad nothing could have prepared him for this. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. There was no anger on her face, just hurt. Her eyes ask him if this is why as she glances at Liu. He can’t take it anymore. He looks away. Even as he knows it just confirms everything Katara is thinking, he focuses his attention on Liu. 

“If I may be so bold as to ask about you and Master Katara?” Liu asks, picking up on their exchange. Her deep brown eyes held a sincerity that he doesn’t see often. 

“We aren’t together if that is what you are asking,” he smiles at her putting on his usual face. Her face lights up. It seems like Liu is one of few genuine people. 

“I am sorry. There had been rumors. But I didn’t want to…” she stopped awkwardly. 

“Flirt with me just in case we were still together,” he finished for her. 

“I… Yes. Was it that obvious,” her face had turned a deep red, up to the tips of her ears.

“Only a little,” he chuckled. He glanced back up to where Katara was only to find her gone. Which is what he wanted.

“Well, I can leave if you want,” she still seems embarrassed. 

“No, it’s alright. You can stay,” he rushes to say. If she is here the less likely Sokka or Toph is to come up to him. 

“So I haven’t embarrassed myself too badly,” she asks as the color leaves her face. 

“Not at all. And to be honest you are a lot more fun to talk to than the delegates,” he says. It seems to be true he feels lighter than he has in ages. As they talk he notices someone go up to one of the guards and then they both leave. Something in his gut tells him to be alert. 

For the first time tonight he tries to catch Toph’s attention. He sends an almost imperceptible shockwave to her. Her body turns towards him signaling he has her attention. It seems even her anger will be put on pause for Avatar business. He directs a shockwave out and into the direction the guards went. Once Toph is out of sight he moves his attention back to Liu who is looking at him with a concerned expression. 

“I lost you there for a minute,” she laughs and before he could respond the floor cracked then caved under them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell I am enjoying writing this more as the chapters go on? Because I am.


End file.
